Men versus Women - Surely the Y Chromosome is not the only reason why
we are constantly at war! - Some
of the differences between men and women.
MORE PROOF. DON'T MESS WITH A WOMAN
ESPECIALLY IN A BAR.
A very
attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures
alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he
arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer
to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are
you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to
speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into
his hair. "Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there
anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,"
she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and
slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him
to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to
say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or
paper towels in the ladies room!"
<<<>>>
Return to Sender
Angry
husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his
Mother in law:
“Your product does not match my requirements and specifications.”
Smart Mother in law replies: “Warranty expired. Manufacturer not
responsible
after seal is broken.”
<<<>>>
The Moods of
a Woman...
An
angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction.
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
The Moods of a Man....
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy
<<<>>>
Because I'm a man
Because
I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another
man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to
fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I
wouldn't know where to start.
Because
I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because
I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the
store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items
like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And
never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for!
which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. ( F.Y.I. guys cumin is
a spice and not a bodily function)
Because
I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on
taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because
I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I
watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because
I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The
answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because
I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come
visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mothe! r's Day is okay; I
don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother too.
Because
I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are,
if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling
amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name
and recommend it to others.
Because
I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were
wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look
fine. Can we just go now?
Because
I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning,
the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for
my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering
what to do.
<<<>>>
How To
Impress A Woman
Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her, Support her, Hold her, Surprise
her, Compliment her, Smile at her, Listen to her, Laugh with her, Cry
with her, Romance her, Encourage her, Believe in her, Pray with her,
Pray for her, Cuddle with her, shop with her, Give her jewellery, Buy
her flowers, Hold her hand, Write love letters to her, Go to the end of
the Earth and back again for her.
How to impress a man:
Show up
naked ... Bring chicken wings ... Don't block the TV
<<<>>>
Passwords
A woman
was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at
the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need
to choose and enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The
husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the
shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the
computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to
his wife that he was keying in, "p..e..n..i..s". His wife fell off her
chair laughing when the computer responded: "Not Long Enough" Susan
P. Flaherty
<<<>>>
In praise of the
ladies
How many
men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time
she brings it.
Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who
can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to
support you.
Why do
women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary
things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do
you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts
her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do
you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the
oven.
Why do
men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough
to build up the required pressure.
If your
dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once
you let him in.
What's
worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's
told.
I
married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
Scientists
have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's
called a Wedding Cake.
Why do
men die before their wives? They want to.
Women
will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the
beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and
rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
rested.
Send
this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the selected few women
who can handle the truth...
<<<>>>
WHY MEN ARE NEVER
DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier
People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be Prime Minister.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to
a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth..
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this
one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest
when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your
own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see
wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original
colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
<<<>>>
Five tips
for a woman
1. It is
important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is
important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is
important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is
important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is
important that these four men don't know each other
<<<>>>
Dutch(man)
Courage
Bravery
is arriving home late after a boozy night out with your mates, being
confronted by your wife with a broom, and say: Haven't you finished
cleaning yet, or are you flying off somewhere?
<<<>>>
Five reasons
to believe computers are male:
1.
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve
problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you
realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have
obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you
have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the
rest of the night.
<<<>>>
The Wish
A
man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded
above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man
said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The
Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required for it
to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would
take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can
do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and
glorify me."
The man
thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I
could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what
she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries,
what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and, how I can make a
woman truly happy."
The
Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
<<<>>>
Swatting
Flies
A woman
walks into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly
swatter.
What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting flies,” he responded.
Oh! Killed any " she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females" he replied.
Intrigued she asked. "How can you tell?"
He said, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.
<<<>>>
Why it's great to be a guy -
1- Your ass is never a
factor in a job interview.
2- Your last name stays put
3- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
4- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6- Your orgasms are real. Always.
7- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8- You don't give a rat's ass if someone does not notice your new
haircut.
9- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10- Same work, more pay.
11- Wrinkles add character.
13- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
14- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong friends.
15- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
16- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
17- One mood, all the damn time.
18- The world is your urinal.
19- A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20- You can open all your own jars.
21- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
22- Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
23- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking "he must be mad at me".
27- You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
28- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
29- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
December 24th, in 25 minutes.
30- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
<<<>>>
The Mathematician
A professor of mathematics
sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear Wife: You must realize that you
are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able
to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely
hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old
teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. Your
Husband"
When he arrived at the
hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive
this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old
pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can
easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than
54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
<<<>>>
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men
and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the
whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured
out why men think with their head and women think with their
heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets
thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I
do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT???"
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet
dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her
emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I
finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went
to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three
different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to
take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that
she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And
then we go to the jewelry department where she gets a pair of diamond
earrings.
Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought
that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared.
I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because
she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I
told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you
should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash
register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No,
honey, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have
seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I
just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when
she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not
be in tune with my financial needs as a man." I figure that I won't be
having sex again until some time after the spring of
2020.
<<<>>>
Rules from the man's side:
We always hear "the rules"
from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These
are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet
seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like
the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a
problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts
for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6
months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like
the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera
guys.
1. If you think you're fat,
you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can
be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to
do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did
not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16
colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be
scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong
and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you
are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go
somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're
thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
football, computers or cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is
a shape.
1. Thank you for reading
this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you
know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
<<<>>>
Taken Advantage Of!
Police are warning all men
who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay
cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date
rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting
men.
The drug is generally found
in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, from taps, and in large "kegs." Beer is used by female
sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to
go home and have sex with them".
Typically, a woman needs
only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply
ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless
against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to
desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they
would ' t ever normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer men
often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them
the night before, often with just a vague feeling that: "something bad"
occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of
their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It
has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd
enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of
servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage."
Apparently, men are much
more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is
offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every
male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the
predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with
venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking
encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected,
like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "
Public Houses" in the yellow pages
<<<>>>
At the Old Folks Home that
my daughter worked last vacation I learned that the elderly gentlemen
are given a Viagra tablet every evening along with a mug of
cocoa.
When I expressed my
astonishment they said, "not to worry, the only reason we give it to
them is to stop them from rolling out of bed"
To be 10
again
True.......
A man
asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd
really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.
On the
morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big
bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park.
What a
day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of
fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five
hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling
and her stomach felt upside down.
Right
away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered
her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it
was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a
hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's,
her favourite sweets. What a time she had!
Finally
she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He
leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
"Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?" Her eyes slowly
opened and her expression suddenly changed.
"You
blithering idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."
And the
moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's still going to
get it wrong!
<<<>>>
Marriage
Marriage
(Part I) Typical macho man married typical good-looking
lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be
home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect
any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you
give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His
new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or
not." ( SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage
(Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold
As Ever.' "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'" (HE ASKED
FOR IT!)
Marriage
(Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a
fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And
you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After
sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings
her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I
was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second
opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage
(Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of
his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to
a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her
husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four."
God may have created man
before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
<<>>
To make a woman happy, a man only needs
to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Sh*g him
2. Leave him in peace
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN
WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.
THE GOOD WIFE GUIDE
(This is an actual extract
from a Home Economics textbook printed in 1961)
QUOTE Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of
letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are
concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and
the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of
the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15
minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your
make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just
been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more
interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your
duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip
through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over
the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and
light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has
reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too.
After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense
personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival
eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.
Try to encourage the
children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile
and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may
have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his
arrival is not the time. Let him talk first; remember his topics of
conversation are more important than yours. Make the evening his. Never
complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of
entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of
strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try
to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where
your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with
complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner,
or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he
might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean
back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a
cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take
off his shoes.
Speak in a low, soothing
and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or
question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the
house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and
truthfulness.
Once he has had a chance
to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your
husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged
to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the
extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests
and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little
hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's
interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.
At the end of the evening
tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his
breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the
outside world in a positive fashion.
Once you have both
retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as
possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your
tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have
to do for his train. But remember to took your best when going to bed.
Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you
need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as
this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.
When it comes to the
possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to
remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey
him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In
all things be lead by your husband's wishes, do not pressure him in any
way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then
accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is
more important than a woman's.
When he reaches his
moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him
and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.
Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be
obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining
silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep
so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your nighttime face and
hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise
shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his
morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.
Humor1
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