Have a Laugh
The secret of a good sermon is to have a
good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together
as possible -- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right
idea. Visit people only once a year -- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading
health books. You may die of a misprint -- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you
get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll
become a philosopher -- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I
should have asked for a jury -- Groucho Marx
I have never hated a man
enough to give his diamonds back -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in
a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar
and fat -- Alex Levine
My luck is so bad that if I
bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness
.... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery -- Spike
Milligan
I don't feel old. I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap -- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of
the disgusting things that fish do in it -- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the
aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress -- Will
Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding
temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you -- Winston
Churchill
Maybe it's true that life
begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or
spread out -- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise
enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere -- Billy
Crystal
